My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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