i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
