so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's the barista slut.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
