Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Someone came in the potted fern
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
