Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
