Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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