well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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