you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
