you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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