So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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