Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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