Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
