sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
