You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
