my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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