is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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