Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
