i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
