so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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