Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize