so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
