i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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