so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
