I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
