Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize