After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
