his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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