Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize