What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
