my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize