Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
