yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
