It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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