there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
