i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
