I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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