You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
