I wish my penis had an off switch
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
