im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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