I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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