I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
