No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
