You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
