I'm lost and stupid without you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
