A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
