...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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