I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
