Fine. I'll sleep in my office
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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