Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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