just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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