The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
