i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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