update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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