There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
