That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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