i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
