So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
