We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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