So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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