Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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