It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
