i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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