just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
