My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
