Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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