i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
