I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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