...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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