Are we in a gay sports bar?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
