Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
