i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
